Carrie O'Hara

The pouting and ponderings of a single 30 something year old

Insomnia and the Internet Whore…. November 7, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — carrieohara @ 10:05 pm

I can’t sleep.

I bought an extra shot Americano in Starbucks seven hours ago that was supposed to be decaf but I fear wasn’t at all.

I have spent the last hour whoring around the internet. I tweeted, I facebooked, I tried to MSN but no-one was still up, I trawled for men and I searched for ‘random’ posts in my own blog. The teacher Robin Williams plays  in the opinion dividing film ‘Dead Poet’s Society’ inspires his class by asking them ‘what will be their verse’? My writing, while a different and significantly minor stratosphere of actual literature, should surely reach further heights than something limited by 140 characters; or ‘somewhere’ peopled with ‘friends’ you wouldn’t say hello to on the street.

At the start of the new school term I had promised my self and my friend JB (who is intent in spreading her positivity to this hardened cynic) that I would write at least one blog a week, I would do yoga, drink less wine and more water…and the usual list of new year’s resolutions type things that I torture my year with not only to the dreaded peels of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ in January but also at the beginning of each school term.  I never keep them; and really just use as a means of mental mutillation of what I have yet ‘to do’…

My would-be/could-be blog topic list is long: The Beauty of Being a Bridesmaid, the Magic of the Musical, Rediscovering Reading, a review of Eat,? Pray, Love,   I’m Stuck:Personal Stagnation, Simple Pleasures, Am I leader, a manager or follower?, Where to now?,  What is my poltical future ….

None of them are easy ‘writes’ , some of them little more than the idea for the title and others scribbled notes and paragraph openings. Tonight in this strangely stressed and wired state I ponder them all…

Should I impose a ban on my tweeting and the world of status updates, and return to the writing of paragraphs and sentences? Should I ease myself back into blogging by reading up on the lives of my one time blogging friends? Should I enforce the pedantic and habitual 365 approach; the comfort of which I miss? Should I set aside an afternoon/ evening each week and retreat Roal Dahl like into my equivalent of the garden shed with sharpened yellow pencils? Should I give up audiences entirely and retreat teenage like to a diary with a lock and a pen and secrets special to no one but me?….

Too many questions for this hour on a school night…

(If you have answers I am available at wordpress, at twitter, on facebook, by email, by text, by phone….)

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2 Responses to “Insomnia and the Internet Whore….”

  1. carrieohara Says:

    I published this in the wrong place; late on Thursday night, and given the insomnia and the stress I beg forgiveness… but oh the sweetness of irony. During a recent INSET day in school we were taught how to use wordpress and I sat moving between the feelings of smug and bored; muttering ‘preaching to the literati choir’ under my sigh… and then I can’t even post a blog….
    Hubris- gets ya every time

  2. espero Says:

    Hey! You’re back! Just started an advent blog series and was feeling lonely in the blogsphere and decided to go looking for old blog friends.Lovely to see you writing again and I would love to read any of those topics you suggested.Perhaps we can lure a few more back to the world of sentences and paragraphs while we are at it.
    Eh,Lilytodd?


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